Promotion

I never went into my job thinking I would be promoted into the management level.

I thought about when it would happen, and it was a bit down the road. When we had kids. And a house, and a lawn and such. I just didn't feel like that guy, the half-dead, humorless, everything-is-corporate guy who seems eerily distant for one reason, and that is his title. But here I am. Today, at our annual winter staff meeting, I will be announced as the Director of Quality for my company.

And I'm scared out of my socks about it.

The mood changed instantly when I found out. I was flabbergasted, I was certain that they would find an outsider to hire, to bring in to handle the duties. But there I was, looking at the organization chart with our operations executive, and him pointing to the quality director spot and saying "we're thinking of moving you here." Flattered, in disbelief, amazed, and humbled, I agreed to the move.

I asked for it, in a sense. In my performance reviews, I'm routinely asked for goals, and what I would like to accomplish. I set my goals high but not back-breakingly so, goals that may with just the right amount of effort be 'do-able.' Even then, I don't expect anything. This year I was asked what I'd like and I said "I would eventually like to be billable to overhead." For those unfamiliar, "billing to overhead" means not working directly on a project with tangible output but getting paid anyway- managers and support staff are in this category. I have been directly billable since I started doing my job, and it makes sense. "You did X, so you get the payment we agreed upon." That is now supplimented.

When I broke the news to two lunch friends, the car got really quiet. There were congratulations, but then the real sentiment was dropped: "Guess you can't go out to lunch with us anymore."

I don't want to be that guy! (stomps his feet and pouts, says repeatedly) I don't want to be that guy! I don't want to be that guy! I don't want to be that guy!

Perhaps my childish protests are in vain. After all, I may choose to do what I want. But common lore seems to promote this idea of separation of management and workforce, that you can't mingle heavily with the people you may have to fire, you can't show favortism, and so on. And don't you want to get to know the managment better, anyways?

Truthfully? I don't really care. I work with good people. Top to bottom, they are all good people. I won't have any direct reports, and I won't be hiring any. I'm not the boss of the people I used to work with, and he's just as likely to chum around with his employees as I would be. If I'm invited to a high end lunch, I'll accept it. If it becomes more frequent, I'll turn them down.
But the fear comes from the expectations, the shift in job focus, the shift in responsiblities. I don't know if I can do what they put in front of me. (The peanut gallery laughs, because to them I've done everything that's been put in front of me.) I'm my own harshest critic, and the worst thought I have is having a critic that's in charge of me that's harder on me than I am. The reason is simple. If the critic is harder on me than I am on myself, then there's outside chance that I just don't care enough to achieve to the critic's level.

It's time, I think, to try to blaze a new trail- my trail, the one where I do things my way and accept the consequences of my decisions. It's the way I try to live already, so what I'm really saying is I will fight any attempts to change me from the me I am right now. It's what got me promoted, after all.