I found out that I had done something in a meeting so unconscionable, so beyond the pale, that I couldn't be told what I did.
Let me explain.
I was in a meeting where I opened the meeting by saying "I am acting as nothing more than the secretary. I will write what you tell me. I cannot contribute, as I have no subject knowledge."
This was unacceptable to an individual at the meeting, who proceeded to ask me intermittently throughout the 5 hour meeting "what I thought" about what they were saying. For the first two hours, I responded politely. For the next two, I became exasperated answering the same question the same way. In the last hour, I committed my unforgivable sins of folding my arms in an unprofessional manner and rolling my eyes and answering with the same answer I had given for 4 previous hours.
That was enough to earn a report to their HR.
Their HR in turn has a policy that whenever someone complaints, they shield the identity of the complaintant and mete justice with passive-aggressive behavior. Good when it's a sexual harrassment complaint. Bad when it's any old complaint. It neutralizes my ability to apologize, or learn why in case, God forbid, I should want to fix my behavior.
Instead I was treated with a "you know what you did, and if you don't know, I'm not telling you." Not a snotty lover or partner- a #$%$^#@ CORPORATION!!!! But not from HR!!
When I was pulled into my project manager's office and asked why this would have happened, I honestly didn't know. I knew I was frustrated with insipid questions, but I didn't say or overtly do anything to anyone. He told me that I had, in fact, offended someone (cue 4-note chord in D minor).
Who did I offend? "I don't know."
What did I do to offend? "I don't know."
How did you find this out? "Person A was told by HR that someone involved with the project was offended."
"Normally, this is enough to get you kicked off-site, but I can't finish this project without you so that's not going to happen."
So, to recap: I heard fourth-hand (someone told someone else, who told yet someone else, who then told another person, who then told me) that I had committed the cardinal sin of offending someone and have no recourse, no manner of apology, and no way to know what happened.
It wasn't until many phone calls from our "in the know" contacts that I found it was because of "aggressive but not quite unprofessional body posturing" but that I still had no way to apologize. It also came out that the person would be embarassed to receive an apology.
This is the second time I've received this treatment in my life, and both of them in California.
Seriously people, you will not survive with skin that thin. You may be able to sing kumbaya in
your own freakin house where everyone gets along, and you may even get rid of frustrated people in your work and your life. That's when other frustrated people push you around in proxy and tell you to screw off because you won't fight back.
If this ever happens to you, that's how you know the only thing you will ever amount to in your pathetic life is being an obstacle. Obstacles never did anything worthwhile in their lives except create more obstacles. People like you are disdained and scorned for your uselessness. Capitulate and acquiesce to others who give a crap. It's not like you'll do anything else, anyway.
5 comments:
Three immediate reactions:
1) Do I really want to enter the work force?
2) Is this status quo, or might there have been additional layers of tension in which context your MAFOI (Mighty Arm Folding Of Intimidation) turned into a FMAFOFMI?
3) Maybe all people in the US should experience a typical grad-school defense..
Oh yeah, continued:
4) In the dog-eat-dog world of business, isn't there a way you can use the HR report to your advantage? Seems like there must be a "we love BS" technique to use here.
5) If faced with a similar situation, might the following BS work? "I appreciate being invited to give my input again, but as I mentioned at the beginning, I really have nothing to contribute."
1) If you like money, that will override any other concern.
2) Thankfully, this is not status quo. It is, however, common in places that tolerate it... or should I say "are focused on tolerance."
3) I agree, something where you are called to defend who you are against three people who are accomplished and don't care should be a rite of passage.
4) There probably is, but I have to study it deeply. Remember, I'm the aggressor here, so I'm already operating with an exposed flank.
5) Won't matter. The net result is that you would be pro-actively removed from the scenario.
The simple solution to this is to prank the jerk who kept asking you stupid questions. I find that bags of, er, organic fertilizer, cut open and left atop the jerk's car on a rainy day can have a wonderful effect.
I say you turn it around and complain about the person who complained about you. If this cowardly policy protects them, shouldn't it protect you in return?
There is no tactical or strategic benefit to the practical joke.
1) I would be the immediate suspect.
2) I'd have to spend time researching it, and I'd prefer to do something else.
3) We are in California, our next rainy day is scheduled for December.
I also couldn't use their HR because I don't work for them, I am but a contractor. My word carries no value to the company, and even less (implying a negative) now that I have been "accused." It would register as spite and would result in a more immediate, direct removal. I need to stay paid.
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