For those unaware (and the 3 or 4 people other than the authors who actually read this), I used to work for AT&T. I lost my job about 14 months ago when it was decided it would be cheaper to fund outgoing CEO Ed Whitacre's $160 million golden parachute than to keep some jobs in Chicago. The worthless union cost me and my colleagues some significant severance pay, not to mention benefits.
Yeah, I'm still bitter.
Dan's situation sucked. I would not have wanted to deal with the same problems. We spoke briefly about a month ago about this, and the only thing I could really tell him was to get service somewhere other than AT&T, even if it meant spending more than he wanted to.
I'm not a fan of the company's service, nor am I a fan of how they treat their employees.
It is in that spirit I have written the following reply to Dan's open letter. Please note I don't agree with how Dan was treated, no matter how much I may hate him. This response is intended to mock AT&T, not Dan.
Dear sir/madam;
Thank you for your letter concerning your perceived vision of our failures. It always entertains us to read a letter from someone thinking they can make a difference.
We were even more entertained by the various ways in which you called us stupid. To know that you would waste so much time and intellect on something we don't care about gladdens our hearts.
If you think we don't care about your business, you're right. Let's be honest: your piddly stream of income for cheap services amounts to a raindrop in the ocean. Do you really think you're going to get the same treatment as someone who pays a lot more money to us? Really? Now, who's the stupid one?
We think it's cute that you'll tell everyone to not get our service. Let us know how that works out for you. For every rare, supposedly intelligent individual like yourself, we have a hundred stupid sheep lining up to get our service.
You know why? It's called PR. Word of mouth means nothing. Word from commercials and other advertisements carry the day. If we pay to say we have the most reliable service, clearly it must be true.
Please. Continue your one-man gang war on us. We need the laugh. We expect you'll have the same success in this as every other sorry sack who's said the same thing. Very original of you. In the meantime, we'll continue to increase our government influence and squash competition.
We are particularly pleased with your ISO 9001 reference. Ooooooh, scary. Do you think we really care? Do you think we don't know how to hide these sorts of things? Please. The only thing transparent about this company is the tape we use for cable repairs.
We'll file this in the same place we file all complaints from people as equally insignificant as you. Thanks for saving us money on toilet paper.
The fact of the matter is we are too big to fail. We make money. We have friends with more power than you could possibly conceive. We have the most customers, the most money, the most power, the best employees. We have the fewest dropped calls. Just look at our advertising. The fact is you really don't have much choice.
And when you're left with no other choice but us, we will welcome your grovelling and your money with open arms.
Say hi to your wife for us.
Sincerely,
The new AT&T.
Your ass. Delivered.
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